International Biscuitry

Hello World.

Welcome to what will hopefully be the first of many posts from the National Biscuit Review's international reporter. I know this effectively voids the title, but consider this feature the tea into which a biscuit is dunked. It's not an integral part of the pursuit of biscuitry, but it brings another dimension to it that many of us find we cannot do without.

Firstly, some background. I am a kiwi, born and raised. I've dunked my fair share of biscuits into an equally fair number cups of tea, coffee, or milo. When I was a child, I used to dunk my gingernuts into a glass of juice. Now, however, I reside in a country not known for their tea drinking. And when biscuits are dunked, it is more likely to be into a cup of gravy rather than any other liquid. That's right, I've moved to the United States of America.

My first task, as appointed by editor-at-large Michael You, is to review the American biscuit. This is no easy feat, because the American biscuit is as nuanced as the kiwi biscuit. There are many ideas on what the perfect biscuit should be, and as many brands to suit these needs. But first let us define the American biscuit.

By now, most New Zealanders are aware that the American biscuit is similar to our scone. It is a doughy puck, oozing with butter, and begging to slathered in gravy or all manner of things that will clog your arteries. It can be an accompaniment to a meal, a container for a meal, or a meal unto itself. It can have both sweet and savoury applications. It can be prepared in the same manner as a drop scone or folded like delicate puff pastry. And most importantly of all, it is delicious.

In respect to attempting to review the most generic of the American biscuit, I have chosen the Pillsbury brand. This seems to be the standard pre-made biscuit dough that many Americans choose to use.

Let's get down to it.

Firstly, this packet of biscuits cost me roughly $3.66 NZD (including sales tax, excluding exchange fees).

I don't know if you've seen the episode of Mythbusters where they put a few packages of biscuits in a hot car to see if they would explode. If you had, you'd be familiar with the idea that biscuit packaging is pressurized. To open a packet of biscuits, they recommend you use a spoon to split the seam of the cardboard tube which creates a satisfying "pop".

Inside you will see what appears to be a log of dough, however with a touch of delicate plying and prying eight biscuits will separate themselves.

 In regards to durability, supplying the dough as opposed to the finished product means these biscuits are highly durable. There are no crumbs to speak of.

Simply place these overgrown coasters onto a baking sheet and into a preheated oven set at 350ºF/177ºC for 14 -17 minutes and out come "the most amazing", light, pillowy, buttery, flaky biscuits one could hope to devour.

Forget your comparisons to scones. As you can see below, these are nothing like your nana's scones.

The texture and mouth feel of these biscuits are far less crumbly than your average scone. They melt in your mouth, and flake apart at the lightest tug.

As far as dunking goes, I didn't have any ingredients to make gravy on hand, so I had a go at dunking in a cup of coffee...

Let's just say that this was not the best liquid to have used in the dunking of this biscuit. As I mentioned before, though, biscuits don't just lend themselves to savoury applications, they are quite tasty with a spot of jam (and some whipped cream, I could imagine).

I am quite smitten with American biscuits, and should you ever have the opportunity to get your hands on some, grab a fistful!

Durability: 10/10
Dunkability: 2/10
Crumbliness: 1/10
Flavour: 10/10
Price: 4/10

Total: 27/50. Flavourful, not-so-dunkable.

Monte Carlo

Our "modest" office tree is decorated with Jaffa Choc Thins.

First things first, best wishes for the holiday season from the team here at the NBR. Hope your holidays have been filled with joy and biscuit eating. Come to think of it, those two things are basically the same.

Our chief advisor Andrew came into the office just before Christmas with Kingstons (the ones we are leaving out for Santa this year), Shortbread Creams (in my top 5, the packet is completely finished now), and Monte Carlos. Given that I have personally been thinking about Monte Carlos for a while, so decided now would be the best time to review them.

This biscuit is up there on the top shelf with Kingstons and Shortbread Creams as one of the more premium selections on offer from the company. Monte Carlo biscuits are quite similar to Kingstons - a coconut and honey biscuit infused wheast biscuit. The true difference comes in the size and the filling. Monte Carlo biscuits have a chewy raspberry flavoured jam, almost candylike in consistency, surrounding the cream inside the biscuit.

This combination is unstoppably delicious, but the biscuit itself is a very  messy affair. Given the crumbliness of the biscuit itself, the cream filling definitely doesn't help the cause. The jam is very sticky and sometimes biting delicately into the biscuit causes the jam to pull on the biscuit and cause excess crumbling. Then the jam has a tendency to get stuck in your teeth. I would definitely recommend having these with a hot drink, although am struggling to think of any drink that would be suitable except your favourite tea blend, as I don't think any other drink would sufficiently compliment the taste of the biscuits.

It's also fairly impossible to have more than 2 of these in one sitting. Monte Carlos are very rich, and the jam can start to taste a little artificial after even the first biscuit. I couldn't stand more than one, personally. Although you can be sure that someone out there has these biscuits in their top 5.

Overall, the Monte Carlo is a solid, treat biscuit. I would have never have these regularly as they are just too rich and sweet for my personal taste, but they are delicious once in a while.

Durability: 4/10
Dunkability: 8/10
Crumbliness: 8/10
Flavour: 7/10
Price: ??/10 Had these brought to me. If only it was always like this....I assume the same as a Kingston, so often on sale. If this is the case, it gets 6/10

33/50 - A treat biscuit. You will not bela ble to get these regularly. 

Choc Thins

One is never enough, says the packet, and it's true. One choc thin is never really enough. Is it because they are so thin? - Probably one of the contributing reasons, yes, but let's have a closer look as to why they are so good.

If I was tasked to find one word that described the choc thin, it would probably be "reliable" - it's that biscuit that always happens to be in the pantry when you need it the most. The choc thin, once again continuing the theme of this blog, seems to be one of the better dunking biscuits out there, and there are so many different ways to actually dunk the thing. More on that later.

The NBR prefers Griffins choc thin biscuits, but I have to make an admission. The other day, a few friends and I went to Lake Wainamu for a swim and a picnic. Before this, I went to the local Countdown and had a search for food to bring. Apart from the standard cold meats and crackers, I stumbled across a great deal for Signature Range (gasp) Choc Thins, being inquisitive, I decided to take the $2.30 plunge and go for it. Turns out, these thins tasted nearly exactly the same - I found the biscuit to be a bit wheatier than what the smooth malt that Griffins uses for their biscuits, but perhaps the wheatiness was an illusion caused by the lesser quality brand. One major difference though was that these Choc "Thins" weren't exactly very "thin" at all.

Kingston

This year, I'm leaving biscuits and milk out for Santa - and those biscuits will be Kingston biscuits. Here's why...

The Kingston biscuit is one of the top shelf cream biscuits that Arnotts offers. A Kingston biscuit comprises of smooth chocolate cream sandwhiched by two oat/coconut biscuits. I'm not a huge fan of coconut biscuits by themselves, but this is just the right combination.

We've had some discusssion this morning around the office about dunking cream biscuits. The real question is whether or not they are dunk stable after 3-4 seconds of immersion in your preferred beverage. I was a little unsure of the whole cream + milk/tea idea because generally speaking, cream biscuits tend to be super crumbly, and I'm not personally a big fan of having to stare at a trail of crumbles after finishing a drink. Any veteran Cookie Time cookie dunker would definitely empathise with this.

Putting the gingernut debacle to bed

I have purchased a package of Griffins Gingernuts, and have found stark differences between the two brands. Here is a full NBR review of Griffins Brand Gingernut Biscuits.

Funnily enough, both brands list their biscuit as being the "Original" biscuit, and both brands taste almost completely different.

Overall, the Griffins gingernut appears to be more durable than the Arnott's brand biscuit. They are lighter in colour and have less cracks in them to start with, and are thicker and crunchier to the bite.

Dunkability is where it becomes really interesting - I'm not sure the Griffins biscuits are completely dunk-stable after more then 3 seconds immersion in your favourite hot beverage. This is strange given that they appear to be more durable than the Arnott's brand. The effect of dunking is also totally different - Arnott's biscuits become soft and crumbly, while these particular biscuits become almost cake-like in comparison. They are soft and lack crunch. I'm not sure which texture is better. Like the flavour, I guess it's a love it or hate it kind of affair.

Comment: Gingernut Poll Result

I know it's early days yet on our Arnott's vs. Griffin's gingernut poll, but the result is nonetheless very interesting. I thought it might be good to make a quick comment and possibly do a comparison test between the two brands at some point this week.

Firstly though, thanks to everyone for the amazing response to this blog - it really gives the team and I great motivation to keep it going. We have a great schedule of reviews lined up for the next month, and as it is the silly season, I'm positive there will be a Christmas special in there somewhere as well.

Many people have grown up with Griffin's Gingernut biscuits. Many of us would probably remember the jingle as well, and this is one of the main reasons why they are our number one choice for gingernut biscuits. So why have we selected Arnott's biscuits at NBR? Is it anti-patriotic? A betrayal to this country's dunking rituals? We don't think so. My last personal experience with Griffins biscuits wasn't a particularly good one...I found the Griffins biscuit to be too tough, even after dunking. I guess that was the main problem. Griffins biscuits are definitely spicier, which I like, and are also decent value for money.

I have, however, seen Griffins biscuits go for almost $4.50 at The Barrow in Auckland's downtown. This means at some specialist outlets, they are getting away with charging almost twice the amount for the same biscuit that you can buy for around $2.50-3 at a supermarket. Be wary of this - even though your local convenience store offers the ease of not having to go to a supermarket for your dunking fix, I believe the biscuits inside convenience stores stay on the shelf for much longer, meaning your biscuits aren't going to be as fresh. Perhaps this is why I went for the Arnott's packet, because the last time I had Griffins gingernuts, I had a bad experience?

As an experiment, I've made a small mark on a packet of biscuits at the convenience store near my work. We'll see if it's still there next week. Photos to come.

Gingernut, and an intro to the Biscuit Power Rankings

I have a major issue that deliciously irks me every day of my life. I am a biscuit fanatic. The reason I started this blog is to write about biscuits, and you know that an addiction becomes a real problem when you actively seek an outlet to talk about your addiction, with no intention of breaking the habit.  This blog is dedicated to the most versatile snack food in the world. Welcome to the National Biscuit Review.

So why Review? What's so important about reviewing biscuits? Well, you could say this blog is about as trivial as reviewing showers in different people's homes, but you could also say that this blog delivers first and foremost, sound, well researched consumer advice. You could also say that we at the National Biscuit Review are committed to pushing the biscuit industry to make better products.

Ranking and reviewing biscuits takes massive pseudoscience. For quick reference, my workmates and I have devised the following rating scale. Each category carries a weighting of 1/5, with a maximum score of 50 for a fully satisfying biscuit. However, for clarity, and to account for the fact that different biscuits serve difference purposes, each rating will carry a bias according to the category in which they scored the highest. For Scotch Finger will score highly on Dunkability, but may fall short on Durability - you will be able to tell that it is a favourably a dunkable, but not particularly durable biscuit. Here's the lingo explained;