6 Month Hibernation

It has been 188 days since this blog has been updated. This is a brutal reality of neglect and procrastination; one that we have been meaning to fix for a while but haven’t gotten around to until now. Yes – we have been eating biscuits, but no, I guess we just haven’t been compelled to write about them until now.

No – we have not made some major discovery that is so important that warrants a new piece to be submitted, we just decided that it was time to blow the dust of this thing and get back to doing what we do best – that is – breaking for lunch and having a biscuit.

Now that we have addressed the culpability of the situation, the following will be a dire attempt to regain a smidgen of relevancy and credibility. Here’s a short summary and comment of what has happened in the wider world since our last post. Perhaps this will give you an idea of just how long it has been. No preference has been given to the picking of any of the following events. Bear in mind this blog is still about biscuits. I think.

February

-         North Korea conducts third underground nuclear test in their now world renowned “nuclear programme” – the west stirs and tightens sanctions. North Korea throws more toys out of playpen.

-         A huge meteor explodes over the south eastern part of Russia killing over 1400 people. This is later dubbed the Chelyabinsk meteor to strike fear and paranoia into the hearts of westerners everywhere. Little do they know that it’s only named in that way because Chelyabinsk is the main region that the meteor exploded over.

-         Pope Benedict resigns on the 28^th. The imperial empire crumbles as they wonder what they will do without Palpatine himself.

March

-         A new Pope is select a couple of weeks later. Thankfully he looks a little less evil than his predecessor. He also pays for a hotel bill. The world goes crazy over this. I’m not convinced. I’m pretty sure I also paid last time I checked out of a hotel. Is there a trick that I’m missing out on? Please tell me if I am missing out on something.

-         Cyprus is bailed out by the EU on the 25^th of March. News media shows trucks driving out of ships into Cyprus. Presumably they are full of gold. No idea where the EU got it from.

-         Hugo Chavez dies. This causes formula one driver Pastor Maldonado to crash his car. Allegedly.

April

-         Boston bombings take place on the 15^th killing 3 people and injuring many more. The internet goes on a witch hunt of all young lanky European looking males around the age of 20. This actually happened. Yes, I am equally as shocked as you, which is not shocked at all.

-         A textiles factory collapses in Bangladesh killing over 1000 people, revealing massive problems in the building bureaucracy there. This is reported in New Zealand a grand total of once. We are too busy celebrating passing the Marriage Amendment Bill. People were genuinely surprised we passed that. Really?

-         Mrs Thatcher dies. I wonder what kind of biscuits she ate in her time? Jaffa cakes (which reminds me, a review for those is due)? Hob nobs (can somebody please send me some of these? They look yum)? The world is reminded that death cannot be U-turned.

June

-         Flash floods in India kill over 1000 people and trap many more. I think I was living under a rock when this happened. I would probably take gingernuts to the rock with me. I am very ashamed of these thoughts. I completely missed this.

-         The NBA and NHL finals both happened. Now I know why I missed this. Talk about a good media coverup…

July

-         Kim Dotcom goes up against John Key in a select committee hearing in what has probably been the most awkwardly covered news event/exchange of words in New Zealand media so far this decade. I literally could not stomach another chocolate digestive after watching this.

-         Egypt decides that democracy sucks, and protests for democracy.

So what does this all mean? I guess it can mean that 6 months is a seriously long time. The next thing it means it that we can now forget about all the events above and talk about what really matters – which biscuits are tastiest and which biscuits are crunchiest and everything in between – welcome back to the National Biscuit Review.

Griffins Sampler

Happy new year biscuit lovers. We arrived in this office a couple of weeks ago to find new editorial staff member Johann bucking for early promotion...here's what he brought in for us to sample today;

The Griffins sampler includes a variety of "favourites" from the well established Griffins range;

Krispie
Pink Wafer
Toffee Pops (Original)
Cookie Bear Chocolate Chip Cookies (more on the cookies demoniator later)
Cookie Bear Hundreds and Thousands
Choc Thins
Dark Chocolate Wheatens
Butter Shortbread
Chit Chat

The pack claims that the Sampler contains "New Zealand's Favourite Biscuits", and I thought that this year, we should be focussing on what really are New Zealand's favourite biscuits, and maybe eventually recommend some new combinations for the Sampler. I mean, I'm not sure why Gingernuts are missing from the pack...perhaps the contrast in flavour is simply too great. I'm also disappointed that Chocolate Wheatens are included instead of Chocolate Digestives. Although that might be a personal thing, as I prefer the texture of a digestive, it might be because the Wheaten is a perfect size for the pack.

Is Griffins skimping on favourites for packaging/price purposes? Wouldn't they make enough money out of the standard packs of biscuits anyway to not care about this issue? Surely the Sampler should be a flagship product - something that displays the very best of what the company makes, and perhaps it should be presented that way. As much as it makes for a good present, for the average biscuit eater, this would be probably the most impractical thing you can buy. For one thing, the space it would take up in the average pantry is unbelievable!

Overall the most popular biscuit in the pack was the Pink Wafer, which arguably isn't even a proper biscuit. I guess people dont' see these very often. Another favourite was the hundreds and thousands. Delicious as they are, I still don't get why we're attracted to things that are coloured completely different to what is usually considered to be an "edible" colour.

The least favourite biscuit of the pack was the chocolate wheaten. Yeah, who cares right?

The watershed moment came when we were sampling the Krispies. These are popular biscuits that taste like baked cocunut. Delicious! But the revelation came when Andrew got out a tub of smooth peanut butter. Sandwhiching the peanut butter between two Krispies is probably the most delicious thing you can achieve with the sampler - believe us. Try it now.

I can't comment on price because Johann is out of the office today, but I'll let you guys know with a follow up post later, but overall I think the Sampler isn't so great for the average biscuit eater. It went down a treat in the office as people had a choice, but for an every day purchase, just stick with what you know.

Update on what we are working on

First thing's first - have to say a big hello to Monique, Jackie and Fee, who are loyal readers and have been spreading word about the NBR across the office. Thanks guys - really appreciate it. I wish I had some free biscuits to send your way..but..oh wait, what am I saying - there's always biscuits here. Guess I'll need to come share. Fee shared with me some Jaffa cakes last week, and we might branch out slightly a review those because they are so hard to get here and they are so so so delicious! Keep an eye out.

A new appointment to the team - Johann Hillman, is joining us the team as an editorial advisor. He got in the team by bringing in a Griffins sampler....the article for which we are working hard on at the moment. Expect to see it by mid-week. It's a doozie.

Happy biscuit eating!